Here is my favorite technique for helping with strong distressing emotions. It works best when the difficulty you are experiencing has it’s roots in childhood hurts and injuries. “Yes this current situation is stressful, but my reaction seems outsized and much larger than it should be.” This can happen when a situation reminds our brains of a distressing experience in the past.
- Assume that this distress is a communication from a younger part of yourself. See what happens when you say to yourself, “These are not my feelings, they are the feelings of my child part.”
- Name the feelings as if they were the child’s feelings and not yours. For example, “He is feeling anxious,” “She is feeling distressed,” or “He is thinking he is not good enough.”
- Sit upright. Take a deep breath. Lengthen your spine. Feel yourself grounded in your adult self, while being aware of the child part of yourself at the same time.
- Offer the child self acceptance and validation. “It makes sense that you feel that way. I get it. Knowing what you went through, of course you would feel that way.”
- Offer the child part of yourself comfort and compassion. Check out what they need. You might imagine giving them a hug. You might imagine giving them words of support and encouragement.
- See if it helps even a little bit. Small and frequent practice can make big changes over time.