We evolved as a species to be anxious about things that might not really exist in the environment, because that was better than taking the chance of overlooking real danger. But in terms of our personal happiness, constantly being afraid of things that only exist in our minds is a miserable way to live.As a therapist in San Francisco, in my clients I see how many ways our minds  can trick us into behaving in ways that can actually make the problem worse. Someone with a panic disorder, for example, will try to avoid situations they fear might bring on the panic. They will then tend to get stuck in an escalating cycle of scary thoughts and avoidance, which only serve to feed into the panic symptoms.

Anxiety tricks us by making us think that we need to respond to an internal cue (“What if something bad happens?”) as though it were actual, physical danger in the world. And what works with real danger in the real world (run from it, fight it, fix it) actually makes us feel worse when we are dealing with an internal psychological event (worrying about something bad that might happen in the future).

The sympathetic nervous system propels us into action, activates adrenaline and stress hormones, and moves us into a fight or flight response. The parasympathetic nervous system calms us down, it helps us to “rest and digest.” Mammals in the wild will respond quickly to danger, but once the danger is gone there nervous system will return quickly to baseline. Humans can perpetuate an anxiety and fear response indefinitely though worrying about things that may never happen.

The nervous system functions not unlike a see-saw.  If you can consciously activate a parasympathetic nervous system response, you can calm down an overactive sympathetic nervous system.

Here are some of my favorite methods for calming down an overanxious nervous system.

Conscious Breathing

• Take some time to notice your breathing, just as it is right now.
• Experiment with sending your breath into parts of the body that feel tense or tight. As you send your breath, also send the words “calm and relaxed” to that part of your body.
• Imagine that your inhalation is filling up a pitcher of water, and that with your exhale the water spills over the edges of the pitcher. Stay with this image as you breathe in and out.
• Breath and count the number of seconds of your inhalation and the number of seconds of your exhalation. Now make your exhalation twice as long as your inhalation. Focus your attention primarily on your exhalation.

Grounding

• Lie on your belly and sense the ground through your belly.
• Sit and sense you perineum. Rock and wiggle on the sitz bone.
• Stand on your feet and relax. Put your attention and weight on different parts of the soles of your feet. Now imagine deep roots going down into the ground. As you breathe in, imagine pulling energy up from deep in the earth. As you breathe out, imagine tension going out the bottom of your feet and deep down into the earth.

Containing

• Feeling contained or held in your body can be very calming to a stressed out nervous system.
• Sense your back by pressing your back against a partner or against a wall
• Rub and squeeze all over your body with your hands, sensing the boundaries and edges of the body.
• Lie down on the floor. Press the body against the floor to feel the sensation of containment. Roll around until all of the body has come into contact with the surface of the floor. Use your hands for the areas that can’t touch the floor, like armpits, perineum, between fingers, etc.
• Exhale making an extended “Vu” sound. Feel this vibrate in your torso and belly.

Taking In Support

Put your hand on your heart. Begin by breathing into your heart for a count of 4 and out for a count of four. Continue for awhile. Now imagine or visualize everyone who’s ever wanted good things for you, loved you, and thought well of you, living or dead. (If complicated relationships come up, just think of the good parts of those relationships. It’s your imagination, you can do whatever you want.) You can even include pets. You can even include spiritual figures. Imagine their love and care coming into your heart with each in breath.

Mindfulness

To become mindful when stressed or anxious, see if you can start to become curious about what’s going on, not judgmental. Just notice your body, your inner sensations, your emotions, your thoughts,  and your behaviors. Notice how you are reacting to the anxiety or stress. Imagine that you can see your thoughts go by as though you are watching them from a vantage point. Like  sitting on a rock at the side of a river and watching your thoughts go by, as though they were leaves floating downstream.