Its easy to be overwhelmed by the difficult experiences life throws at us and by the strong, uncomfortable or scary emotions that accompany difficult experiences. For example illness, loss, having experiences we don’t want, or not getting something we want can make us frightened, depressed or anxious. Sometimes strong emotions can seem overwhelming. And sometimes we may turn to destructive behaviors or withdraw from life to try to escape from difficult emotions.
One thing that can help is to remember is that emotions are just emotions. We cannot control them, we can only accept them. They come and go like waves on the ocean. They may provide texture, color, and depth to life’s experiences. They can be very uncomfortable, but they are not in themselves dangerous if we allow ourselves to feel and process them. They often have something to tell us. Staying with rather than avoiding our experience may put us in touch with a life lesson or a deeper meaning.
A simple technique to help to directly experience and move through difficult feelings is called RAIN. You can use this as a short meditation. Just quietly where you won’t be disturbed, take a few deep, slow breaths and begin:
1. Recognize what you are feeling. Sadness, anger, fear, shame, or whatever.
2. Allow it to be just what it is.
3. Investigate it. What is the sensation? Where is it in the body? What is the energy like? Are there thoughts that go along with it? Impulses? Be curious, like a scientist investigating something new and unique.
4. Non-identification. This is a fancy world for ‘don’t take it personally.” Emotions are emotions. They are not unique to you, you have them in common with all other human beings. If you are having a difficult experience, then someone else has also had the same experience as you. A difficult emotion does not need to define who you are and it isn’t a judgment against you or what you have done. It is part of being human.