Are you a chronic worrier, or do you know someone who is? Worry is a form of anxiety that is focused on negative predictions about the future. These fears may be real or imagined and can include personal issues like health and finances or broader external issues like pollution or politics. Most of us worry from time to time. The positive function of worry is to help us avoid potential threats and risks. Constructive worry prompts us to take constructive action, like fastening our seat belts or buying health insurance. Chronic worry takes over our lives, interferes with our enjoyment of what is good in our lives, and constricts us from participating in a rich, full and meaningful life. Chronic worry is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives us something to do but it doesn’t take us anywhere. It is not addressing any of the problems or issues in our lives. If you or someone you know is a chronic worrier, here are some tips that may help:
Begin to create some distance between you and your worried thoughts. We can’t help having worried thoughts. No one, not even a Zen master, can control the thoughts our minds come up with. But we can work towards not fusing, or buying into these thoughts so much. We don’t need to get hooked like a fish on a line. The antidote is mindfulness. We can notice and allow the thoughts as thoughts, and not identify with them so closely. We can learn relate to worried thoughts as though they were cars passing by on the street or a radio playing in the background. We can simply allow them to be and let them come and go. We can politely nod to them and acknowledge them, but not invite them in for dinner.
Don’t try to debate or argue with worried thoughts. Our worried mind will always be better at coming up with reasons that it is right than we will be. The more we push, the more the worry will push back. Instead ask yourself “If I totally buy into this worried thought, what effect does it have on my life? Where does it take me? Does it make my life better?” Then instead of putting all your attention on the worried thoughts, try to turn your attention on what is it that gives your life meaning and value. What are your hearts deepest desires? What do you stand for as a person? And if you were acting on those values rather than circling around in the worry, what would you be doing differently right now?
Take action. Worrying is not the same thing as taking care of a problem. For example, if you are worrying about your health, you may be spinning endless stories and fears about what might be wrong with your body. If you are taking care of your health, you might start an exercise program, eat more healthy foods, or seeking appropriate medical consultation. What are you not doing now that might actually address the source of your worry? What are you not doing now that could help others or in some small way make the world a better place? Identify what actions could you actually, realistically take within the next 24 – 48 hours, within the next few days or week, and within the next few weeks and months. Start small and gradually work your way up, but begin to take those actions.
In short, excessive worry is an endless waste of time and energy. A solution does not come from indulging in the worried thoughts or from trying to suppress them. To help with chronic worry,
(1) Cultivate an attitude of mindfulness and acceptance towards worried thoughts. You cannot control the fact that you have them. You can begin to see them as thoughts, not facts.
(2) Practice disengaging from your worried thoughts Imagine relating to them as passing cars on the street, or a radio playing in the background When you catch yourself worrying and thinking “I’m afraid of this bad thing happening,” try stopping for a moment and saying to yourself “I notice I’m having the thought that this bad thing might happen.”
(3) Shift your focus. Turn your attention to what gives your life meaning and value.
(4) Begin to address your problems by taking positive actions to help yourself and others. Never confuse worrying with actually doing something or taking care of yourself.