Compassion is a powerful tool for reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. Research shows that practicing compassion can positively impact health and well-being, increase social connectedness, reduce pain, and and increase positive emotions and feelings of well-being. Neuroscience research indicates that cultivating compassion strengthens the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain. This is the part of the brain steadies attention and helps integrate thinking and feeling. Compassion activates the pleasure centers of the brain, makes us healthier and more resistant to illness, and can create a sense of elevation.
Loving Kindness, or Metta meditation is one way to start. Metta is a practice that is thousands of years old. It has been adapted and is now being taught by psychotherapists to help treat a variety of concerns like depression and anxiety. This form of meditation is intended to help us to cultivate an attitude of friendliness. non-violence, and a strong wish for the happiness of others.
In practicing loving kindness meditation, a series of traditional phrases wishing ourselves and others well are repeated silently during a sitting meditation practice.
While repeating these phrases, you are encouraged to feel the wishes in your heart. You can adjust the phrases so they that the feel right to you. To do a loving kindness mediation, get yourself in a comfortable position. Take some deep, calming breaths. Slow down. Then begin to silently repeat the phrases of well-wishing and imagine sending this energy to whoever you are focusing on.
As you silently repeat the phrases, use your imagination. See if you can feel or imagine the good intentions in your heart. If you can’t, don’t worry about it but still try the practice anyway. I have found it sometimes takes awhile for the feelings to emerge. Just repeat the phrases and trust that the feelings may follow in their own time. And as with any practice, trust your own experience. Judge for yourself whether it is helpful or not.
Here are some phrases to chose from. You can change the words or craft your own. When you’ve chosen three or four phrases, simply sit and repeat them silently.
- May you be free from danger, say their name.
- May you be happy, say their name.
- May you be healthy, say their name.
- May you flourish, say their name.
- May you find peace, say their name.
Begin by first sending these intentions to someone it is easy to feel unconflicted kindness and compassion towards, like a close friend, a child or a pet. Then practice saying the phrases (1) to yourself; (2) to someone who’s been a benefactor or support in your life; (3) to a loved one; (4) to a neutral person (like the clerk in a store); (5) to a difficult relationship, and (6) to all beings everywhere. Try practicing loving kindness meditation over time, sending good wishes to yourself and others. Do it over and over. It may have very positive effects in your life and on the lives of those around you.
Dealing with Self-Criticism
If you are someone who suffers from self-criticism, self-judgment and shame, focusing the metta practice on yourself can be challenging. Try this adaptation: Once again start with imagining someone it’s easy to feel kindness towards. Follow this by expanding your awareness to include them and yourself at the same time. “May we be be from suffering. May we be happy.” Finally, practice sending kind wishes just to yourself
Listen carefully to the messages the critical voices inside you are saying. They can help you to find the right antidote to use in wishing yourself well. For example if you have critical thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’m not good enough,” you be might try a wishing for yourself “May I sense my own worthiness and goodness.” Jack Kornfield often quotes Buddhist teachings, “You can search the whole universe, and not find any being more worthy of love than yourself.”
Practice Acts of Compassion and Generosity
To move your practice to the next level, begin to find ways to actively practice compassion and generosity in your life in small or large ways. Find ways to share your time, energy, and financial resources with others. Musician Shaw Groves practices small acts. He says that each day he (1) gives undivided attention to a stranger, (2) leaves an undeserved and unusually large tip or (3) leaves a stack of quarters on the candy machine in the grocery store. Find ways to practice kindness and generosity in your own life that work for you. Just the other day I stopped on my rush to the gym between seeing clients in order to offer directions to some lost tourists. It helped them feel more welcome, and gave my own day a lift. There are a number of people in a local meditation group who –once a month – volunteer to provide food and cook dinner at a homeless youth shelter. Try practicing compassion and generosity as an experiment, and notice for yourself the effects it has on your life, your happiness, and your well being.